Why I Am Not Having Kids

Photo by Mindy Olson
I've been thinking a lot about kids ever since I went to see a play called "Lungs" last summer. It's about two hyper-intellectuals deciding whether or not they should have a kid based on their social and environmental responsibilities. The play was a bit dated (circa 2006--they were far more concerned with carbon emissions than trash or limited resources back then), but it brought up interesting points about first-world, middle-to-upper-class family planning. Generally: is it good for the world to have a child?

I've always known I wanted a family. 

My mom tells the story of when I was six and I came to her in tears because my grandmother told me I was going to be a doctor and I couldn't imagine being a doctor and having babies. Apparently, I was a weirdly insightful six year old. But it's true: with the exception of one bad summer as a nanny for a truly horrendous family, I've always seen myself becoming a mom someday.

But the decision to have kids is not as simple as it once was. The world does not need more people. Not only does each human take an incredible toll on the environment, but there are so many children who need parents and don't have them.

And yet...

Here I am, like so many other people through the ages, wanting to have children. 

I want to get preggers, give birth, and see half of my genes continue on in another generation. This base desire is the whole reason species continue to exist over time. In addition, I am physically capable of accomplishing this goal, making it all the more difficult to plan not to have children.

However, my desire for a family goes beyond biology. Family is a fundamental part of my identity. I am friends with my siblings; I have a good relationship with both of my parents. They're there for me through thick and thin, no matter the situation. I wouldn't be where I am today without them.

Unfortunately, not everyone has a family. In my opinion, having a steady support system is the biggest privilege a person can have regardless of race, gender, or socio-economic class. The current system puts parentless children at risk of abuse and neglect. If I could keep even one child out of an abusive environment by providing a safe, loving, and nurturing home, I would.

I can. So I will.

Luckily, I get to decide whether or not I want to have kids the old fashioned way or through adoption.

I'm lucky enough to live in a place where family planning is encouraged and attainable. It is a privilege and I'm not about to waste it. I have no doubt that the legalities of adopting a child will be more difficult than giving birth to one, but it is something I want to pursue because I am willing and able.

In NO way do I judge other people for wanting to have kids. 

I cannot stress this enough: having children is natural. I just believe in choice, specifically choosing the way you want (or don't want) to create a family. I can only ask that you extend the same courtesy to me.

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